Feces Cleanup Narrative - Audio Poop Cleanup Buttons Audio (mp3 download)


Feces Cleanup Prices

Sadly, I'm forced to charge $280 for Santa Barbara County residents and businesses because of the distance and travel time. I may make some exceptions.

I'm Eddie Evans and my feces cleanup prices are variable. By variable I mean that I have a standard service charge fee of $280 and this fee will include the first hour labor. By "first hour of labor" I do not mean to imply that I will work any longer than needed to complete the feces cleanup task we have agreed upon. And other terms, it means that if I complete feces cleanup as agreed upon and it takes only two or three minutes, I cannot be expected to do other work for the completion of one hour of labor. I offer the one hour labor as a courtesy only.

By "variable" I also mean that my feces cleanup fees are relative to the distance I must drive to the feces cleanup work site. As anyone knows our highway system is very congested many hours in the day. There are times when it takes hours to drive a distance it only took 10 or 20 minutes to drive 20 years ago. This condition will only become worse as more people immigrate into the Santa Barbara area and or human population continues to grow geometrically with human births. So I must consider traffic conditions and distance to the poop cleanup work site when factoring in my poop cleanup (I use "poop" and "feces" interchangeably to help those in need of my services.) prices.

For mostOrange County, Riverside County, Santa Barbara County, San Diego County, and Ventura County poop cleanup work sites, at this writing I am holding my service fee to $280. This can change at any time, even for San Bernardino County.

Although it may seem like $280 for a few minutes work is usurious, and it seems so to me in some cases, it is not so in the case of a poop cleanup job. Anybody in business today knows that business experiences as well as business expenses require adequate charges; otherwise it is no reason to be in business.

Almost daily I must spend money on business expenses that include the following:

Marketing Santa Barbara Feces Cleanup Services

Let's face it. We do not use telephone books any longer. So we use the Internet.

Marketing this Santa Barbara feces cleanup service costs more than any other part of my business. When I factor in the many hours required to help those in need of my feces cleanup services, the cost to me is mighty. The hours required for content writing are great. Without this content your trust Internet search engine would not have found me. Without skills, abilities, and knowledge acquired over many months I could not have reached out to you. Web page optimization, for one, takes many hours to learn and apply, and almost daily my various Internet related software providers change their programs. It's like the rules for using the Internet change almost daily in some way for web masters like myself.

I must pay for software (Dreamweaver) and domain names besides creating web pages for Santa Barbara's various cities. It takes a lot of money, then, to market a feces cleanup service.

So it takes time to get to work site and I usually must leave in the early morning hours to arrive on time. Rather than face the distress of coping with traffic jams that occur early in the day, I leave very early in the morning hours to arrive within 1 to 2 hours of the scheduled feces cleanup task. I then later somewhere near the work scene until it's time to appear as scheduled. So though it may seem that $280 is a lot of money, it is not when factoring in the many hours devoted to the task at hand as well as the expenses.

Did I mention the cost of a toll-free telephone number and telephone for business purposes? These costs amount to what I call "distressed purchases" because they must happen to remain in the feces cleanup business.


A Distressed Purchase

We call feces cleanup a distress purchase because there are several types of distress involved. One, there's good money in cash allotted to the removal of feces, human, dog, cat, rat, mice, and even bird feces must be removed for a fee. And it is a "must." For however long one can live with any type of feces near, on, or within the premises, the feces has to go sooner or later. It has to go for health reasons and asked to go for aesthetic reasons. Only those in mental hospitals and on some kind of drug-induced madness will live in their own feces.

It's a distress purchase because true psychological distress leads to the purchase. The psychological distress arises from learned behavior. It's learned behavior to object to the presence of feces. It's true. We know that toddlers must learn not to play with their feces or smeared about their environment or even upon themselves. Only after a mother, father, or some kind of social logical significant other points out the air a plane with human feces does feces begin to grow as an objectionable object. This is not to say that with children (those children born outside of civilization and raise in the wild.) Would live in their own feces. In any case, the psychological distress created by the presidency human feces or the presence of other critters feces, whether it's called "poop" or "skat."

Sometimes among the homeless who are known to have drug and/or alcohol problems of the worst type, we find individuals contaminated by their own feces. Can you imagine the bell police officers who take these people into custody for their own protection or the protection of others? In this sense the bell police officers are in their own way do any type of civic feces cleanup. There distress must be great when they must handcuff these individuals and place them in their black-and-white police cruisers.

So when we talk about a distress purchase were talking about something that needs to get done.

On the other hand, $280 to have feces cleanup is a lot of money. At least it's a lot of money for most working people and many working people will not pay for feces cleanup services. They find some way of overcoming their social psychological objections to this South, stinky substance and do the work themselves. After all, mothers and fathers, mostly mothers, take part in feces cleanup daily as each and every one of this is raise from our infant existence until we can care for her own feces. This is, most will agree, a hallmark of civilized behavior.

Even in Santa Barbara

Most likely Santa Barbara is the capital of hopelessness because of the Mediterranean -like weather. It's because of this whether in our ability to survive outdoors through the winter months that the homeless from around the nation migrate to Santa Monica, Redondo Beach, Manhattan Beach, and San Diego County in great numbers. Because of this Mediterranean-like weather the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Department must hire officers willing to handle a homeless population contaminated by feces. This type of feces cleanup therefore has a unique place in Santa Barbara County. I have more Santa Barbara biohazard cleanup related information.

Even in Santa Barbara we must have limits on what we are willing to tolerate. At the moment the homeless population moves about at random and as controlled by civic leaders. In Anaheim, orange County, an influx of the homeless followed their removal from the Santa Ana River banks in Santa Ana, California. So we know that in Santa Ana the population of homeowners and businesses had reached their limit of social acceptance of these homeless people, people condemned to defecating and urinating along the banks of the river. Which happened now is that they live in Anaheim, and other cities surrounding Santa Ana. These cities in turn become more heavily polluted by human feces and urine.

As a consequence of the homeless populations movement more homeowners businesses become responsible for feces cleanup. In some cases people pay me or someone like me to take care their feces cleanup needs. In some cases they do the cleanup themselves. In the case of bells employers and employees, and employers is just reluctant to direct employees the cleanup feces on their business doorsteps in the art to have an employee cleanup blood.

What all of this means is that even in Santa Barbara we are witnessing the emergence of historical forces going back to the rise of civilization, the town, in the city.


It might come as a surprise that using toilet paper for personal feces cleanup is one of the less efficient means of personal feces cleanup. It's true. In Japan, for example, many people use water because its cleaner; plus, unlike the United States with its mountains of pine forests which we use for paper production, the Japanese must conserve to sustain their island nation as much as possible. So water jets spraying from the interior of many household and business toilet bowels do the feces cleanup rather than paper. It seem more hygienic too. In some businesses the toilet water is heated to the user's body temperature, a temperature measured by the toilet's seat. They may be the future for the Santa Barbara. It's exciting to know about if nothing else.


Toilets and toilet behavior in Japan has a history of shyness. Shyness in the sense that toilet behavior in matters dealing with toilet products remained out of sight and out of mind for many generations. Japanese consumerism failed to make inroads for generations, then.

For generations the toilet was something dangerous, something dirty, something dark, and something stinky. Perhaps it was known as a dangerous place because areas frequented to defecate were probably dark and hideouts for those looking for victims to rob. I'm just thinking out loud. As it went in Japan, toilet behavior was a desire for concealing anything to do with difficult pooping surfaces and feces containers: keep a lid on stinky things.

Today, personal feces cleanup at the time and place of defecation is on the cutting edge of technology.